It’s April! That means Spring, flowers and Sexual Assault and Abuse Awareness Month. This week I spent all of Monday in New York City with my good friend, Theresa. We met at APSAC last June following my presentation of Heroes, Villains, and Healing. Afterward, she took a card and said she wanted me to come to New York to speak to her office. She told me she would be in contact, disappeared into the crowd of people, and I honestly never expected to see or hear from her again. Not because I did not genuinely believe she wanted me to come to New York and present about how superheroes can be used to help survivors understand their childhood trauma and begin the process of healing. Instead, it’s that many people who say they would like to connect after a conference get so caught up in life and helping those they care for heal that scheduling time for an individual presentation is too time consuming and may not achieve the most possible good in the least amount of time. However, seeing as how Theresa is a diehard Saints fan, she knows how to overcome extraordinary odds to achieve the impossible.

For nearly six months, Theresa and myself exchanged emails and phone calls determining the best possible date to schedule the presentation, creating flyers to distribute throughout the different Administration for Children’s Services (ACS) offices in New York, while also coordinating travel and lodging arrangements. By time I say Theresa in the hotel lobby Monday morning she felt a mixture of excitement, exhaustion, nervousness, and anxiety as she anticipated the day to come to an end and all the planning to finally be over.
 
Luckily, the day went off without a hitch (mostly). We did have some technical difficulties getting the conference call to work for those working remotely and in other offices throughout the boroughs, but eventually everything worked its self out.
 
My presentation, Heroes, Villains, and Healing offered mental health professionals and advocates the opportunity to understand the effects of hypervigilance using Batman; Superman to understand the manager, exile, and firefighter of internal family systems using the Clark Kent, Superman, and Kal-el facades; and Wonder Woman to understand the negative impacts of burnout, compassion fatigue, and secondary traumatic stress to help ensure they practiced self-care and mindfulness while helping those they care for heal from their trauma. Afterward, I signed some donated books that participants could either purchase or take for free while Theresa took the time to finally breathe a sigh of relief.

To celebrate the completion of the event we had lunch at the famous Katz restaurant (made memorable in the movie When Harry Met Sally the line “I’ll have what she’s having), visited the immersive Arte Museum at Pier 16, and enjoyed a parting beverage at Penn Station before boarding the train to return to Baltimore. It was a great day and I can’t wait to see her again at APSAC in June!
 
Thank you, Theresa for an amazing, well planned, and thoughtful trip! I truly hope the ACS offices of New York were able to benefit from my presentation and had some fun along the way.
 
All the best,
Kenneth Rogers, Jr.

Last week I attended the Krimes Against Kids conference in Orlando, Florida where I was privileged enough to be asked to present the breakout session, “Heroes, Villains, and Healing”. I want to say it was a great conference and in many ways it was. The conference was well run, attended, and I connected with some amazing people doing some amazing work to prevent and reduce the impact of trauma and abuse on children. The only problem was…me.
            Since my proposal had been accepted to speak at Krimes Against Kids (KAK) at the beginning of the year, I was excited to participate. Although I had never attended the conference, many exhibitors and presenters at the San Diego Conference for Child Maltreatment in San Diego, CA, and the Child Abuse Symposium in Huntsville, AL, often spoke of KAK with fondness. I knew it would be an enjoyable experience, but when I stood up in front of my audience to begin presenting something inside me began to deflate. For one reason or another, I began feeling like an imposter. As if I didn’t belong. As if there was no reason for me to be presenting on a topic I had not studied as a professional. Halfway through, I began to lose focus on the topic of the slides, but instead on the seemingly blank expressions of the people looking back at me. I went through the motions, but I didn’t believe what I was saying. It lacked making a connection. In the speech and debate world we call this going on auto pilot.
Soon, I found myself rushing through sentences, stumbling over words, and forgetting the names of important comics like Flashpoint. The voices in my head told me the audience could care less about Guy Gardner’s passion as a Star Saphire and Red Lantern, or John Stewart’s radical self-acceptance following the destruction of Xanshi. So, I began rushing, skipping a few slides and finishing in an hour when I was given an hour and thirty minutes for the entire presentation. Soon, I finished and immediately wanted to run away and hide, believing there was no way I would be able to sell enough books to justify making the trip to Florida and buying a table as an exhibitor. Instead, I did what I was “supposed” to do and took questions from the audience.
One of the first people to ask a question was a woman named, Violet. She said she started the breakout session taking notes, but soon stopped and instead spent the remainder of the time listing my strengths. She proceeded to tell me how I was courageous, passionate, funny, and a good speaker. She complimented me and afterwards, I hated her for it and told her so. Everything she said she saw in me, I did not see in myself. I wanted to cry but held back the tears for later, thanked and cursed her, and continued fielding questions. Afterward, there were people waiting at my table to purchase a book and tell me how much they enjoyed the presentation.
The point of this story is not to say you never know the impact your words can have on another person, or that my mood changed for the better afterward. Just the opposite. It’s been three days and I still believe my presentation was horrible and that I have no reason speaking on this topic of healing and superheroes. In fact, I packed up and left early to escape my feelings of shame and guilt. Lately, my doubts have been winning and my self-esteem has been lacking. Most days I’m filled with fear creating feelings of self-hatred and anger. I try to write and speak and read, but the voice in the back of my head asks, “What’s the point?”  I’m sure others feel this same way (especially in the current climate) and for survivors this is an everyday battle. It is something I’m working on and it’s something I wanted to share as I work to accept my inner Daredevil. Thanks for taking the time to read. And if you need anything as you work to accept your inner Daredevil, please free to reach out and let me know.
All the best,
Kenny

           
Superman has become synonymous with hope. As Lois Lane tells Clark in Action Comics #1082, “It’s your brand.” Not only has the emblazoned “S” on the chest of the Man of Steel become the Kryptonian emblem for the House of El, but Zack Snyder made it the Kryptonian symbol for the word hope in the 2013 film Man of Steel. However, what is hope? It’s a word we use daily to give credence to the capacity for our optimism, but can it be quantified? And, if so, can an individual gain or lose their hope? As a survivor of multiple adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) these are questions I have lately been attempting to answer on my road to recovery and creatively explored by writer John Ridley and illustrator Imaki Miranda in Action Comics #1082-1084 “Force Majeure: Part One-Three” (2025).
           

In these three comics, newly reformed criminal Major Disaster is believed to have fallen off the wagon of living a life on the straight and narrow and attempts to rob a bank to cover accumulated gambling debt. Unfortunately, the quick smash and grab goes wrong and an “innocent” bystander, Max Boykin, is killed. Rather than attempt to escape, Natural Disaster immediately surrenders to Superman. (It’s important to note that this is not what really happened. To find out the truth, you’ll just have to read the comics.)
            Later, in prison, Clark Kent, reporter for the Daily Planet, asks Disaster why he did it. Why did he go back to a life of crime when so many heroes, like Superman, believed in him and the belief that he could be reformed. Disaster tells Clark, “Middle of one of our death matches Superman holds out his hand, tells me all I’ve gotta do is take it and hope for a better tomorrow. Maybe for real people. Best I can do is spare the public a trial. I’m a screw up, Kent…That’s all I’m ever going to be. So, go write that for the Daily Planet. That’s the truth.”

As human beings, we may not by capable of placing a definition to hope, but we see and understand when an individual has, or is beginning to lose theirs. This lack of understanding of how to move forward is what Clark sees in Disaster’s face, hears in the words he does and does not say, and in the way he carries himself. Clark sees this in not only Major Disaster but another supervillain who turned back to a life of crime following reformation. When Clark asks Atomic Skull why he did it, Skull asks Clark if he had plans for the next day. Something he was looking forward to accomplishing. When Clark answers yes, Skull tells the reporter that because he has a tomorrow to anticipate he wouldn’t understand why he returned to a life of crime. Here, it is evident in Atomic Skull’s words and the way in which he behaves, he has lost Hope.

However, the question is, what is Hope? In Action Comics #1083, Ridley describes Hope as existing in an individual’s telomeres. These are end caps of an individual’s DNA. These are not fictional. They exist in your body in each cell of your DNA, and in the same way the plastic tips on the end of shoe laces prevent the strings from becoming frilled and unraveling, telomeres keep the double stranded helix of DNA from coming undone. However, in the DC comic, telomeres are being harvested from willing individuals and used as a way to extend an individual’s life for those willing to pay the hefty price tag. Although the more telomeres an individual possesses, the longer they live, the loss of telomeres creates a sense of despair and dread in the donor resulting in a loss of Hope. While in reality, telomeres are impacted by an individual’s adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), the true science of Hope is a little different.
Dr. Nadine Burke explains in The Deepest Well how ACEs have the ability to shorten and damage an individual’s telomeres, causing the premature aging of cells, uncontrolled cellular growth in the form of cancer and / or tumors, and the inactivation of some cells altogether. While there is some truth in the fact that the longer an individual’s telomeres the longer and healthier an individual’s cells, Action Comics still exists in the realm of science fiction with the belief that telomeres can be transplanted from one individual to another as a way to lengthen an individual’s life, but it’s not beyond the realm of possibility. Also, while it is true that the damage to an individual’s telomeres can result in the aging and eventually the complete shutdown of some cells, the shortening and damage to telomeres does not result in the loss of Hope. The science and psychology of Hope is quite a bit different.
In The Psychology of Hope, C.R. Snyder explains how there are three primary parts needed to instill and sustain Hope, Willpower, Waypower, and goal setting.
Willpower: is an individual’s motivation to achieve their goals.
Waypower: is the strategy and methods utilized by the individual to overcome obstacles to achieve their goals.
Goals: are scaffolded steps put in place by an individual to reach their desires.
All three work together to provide an individual with Hope, an improved outlook of the future and the path they have set for themselves. Each must more in tandem with the other. Too much or too little of one throws off the equation leading to a loss of Hope.
            Hope is not only a feeling of optimism, or a belief that something better exists just over the horizon, it’s also about having the will to move forward and a path. Without both, goals cannot be maintained and hope cannot be sustained. Willpower and Waypower must be present and work with one another in equilibrium to foster hope. Too much of either leads to an imbalanced equation.

Lost Imagination = Loss of Hope
            Years ago, I came up with the name Lost Imaginations for my small business as an author. At the time, I wasn’t quite sure why I chose this name. It just seemed right. As if I had lost the imagination I once had as a child and I wanted to try and find it again. To restore it while also helping others regain their childhood thoughts as well.
            After researching and learning about the psychology of hope, authors Casey Gwinn and Chan Hellman help to put words to my thoughts behind the name Lost Imaginations. They write, “Trauma is about the loss of imagination. Hopelessness is about the loss of imagination.” This is because developing and sustaining hope is about Willpower, Waypower, and setting goals. Individuals who have suffered ACEs may have the will to improve their life and set the goals to do so, but lack the ability needed to imagine alternate paths to their goals. If a survivor is using all of their energy coping from their traumatic experiences there is less energy available to imagine alternate pathways toward their goals. If a survivor has a limited view of the world and their place in it because they have had no models to emulate, how will they have the ability to imagine a new and better way of living? The book Rising Hope explains it beautifully when it states,
 
When someone is not able to learn anything from a painful, helpless experience, they begin to experience damage from trauma. You cannot live in the past and the future. If you get stuck in the pain of the past, you hope will be very low. If there is no ability to imagine alternate futures for yourself or someone you care for, trauma starts to do damage to the mind and the body. If you are able to choose to live in the future, imagining that different future, you have a pathway to hope. Imagination – picturing future memories – is a crucial step toward hope.
 
            Superman embodies hope, not because he can run faster than a speeding bullet or leap a tall building in a single bound. It’s because he is the Waypower for so many others (in this and alternate realities) to reach their goals and become the best versions of themselves. He is a model for others who may not have the imagination needed to envision a better future. He helps others find their lost imagination.

            Okay, hear me out. I am not proposing that we escape into the fictional reality of Metropolis in which good always triumphs over evil, defeating the bad guy at the last moment with a smile and a witty catchphrase. I do not believe we should close our eyes, pull the covers over our heads, hide under the bed, and desperately pray that all the bad monsters go away. In fact, I believe just the opposite. Instead, I suggest we take the advice of DC Comic’s current slogan and go “All In” in our acknowledgement that things are as far from okay as they have ever been and double down in our convictions that might is not always right. That there has to be a better way.
            With the approaching release of James Gunn’s, Superman, scheduled to hit theatres July 11th, DC Comics has deemed this the “Summer of Superman.” Is this corny as hell? Absolutely! But, maybe we need a little corny right now. Maybe in a world of immigration enforcement that echoes of Nazis from days of future past, the bombing and mutilation of civilians and children under the guise of war taking place in numerous countries across the globe, and the erosion of laws, beliefs, and ideals we once believed to be sacred revealing themselves to be nothing more than scribbles on weather worn parchment, we need campy. We need wholesome. We need honesty. We need Superman. Not because we need a fictional character to remind us that we as individuals can be better than we are, but because we need a fictional character to inspire us into believing that we as a people can be better than we are. Not from a place of fear and hatred, but hope and humanity. Although the Man of Steel is fictional and exists in the form of ink on a page so do the words of the Constitution, making the impact of either of their beliefs any less real
.
            Superman is one person. Although this fictional character can run faster than a speeding bullet and leap tall buildings in a single bound he is incapable of saving the people of Earth from themselves with his fists. Even in the comics, he cannot be in all places at once, and when he has been capable of this impossibility, he becomes a villain. (If you don’t believe me read Red Son or Kingdom Come.) Instead, Superman’s greatest ability is being capable of inspiring hope in others to allow them the strength needed to achieve their full potential. The best example of this can be found in Actions Comics #1036-1046 (2021-22).
In these comics, Superman liberates an entire planet from the authoritarian regime of the villain, Mongul. He does not accomplish this feet using his superhuman strength, speed, and ability to fly because his powers have been stripped away. Instead, rather than abide by the rules established by Mongul to compete and kill in the form of a gladiator in the Roman Colosseum, he refuses to fight. He resists and stands on his principles of integrity, honor, truth, and justice to inspire resistance and nurture hope in its people. He does this through the telling of stories, authentic friendship, a willingness to learn a culture vastly different than his own, and standing by his promises. He builds relationships and gains the trust of the people he wishes to liberate, listening to their needs and fighting alongside them to achieve their ends and not his own. Overtime, he transforms a war mongering society that lives in fear of its tyrannical authoritarian ruler into one that believes in its self, its people, and the culture that Mongul attempts to erase to free themselves rather than wait for a savior to do it for them.
Superman did not liberate the people of War World with his might. Instead, he did it through truth, friendship, understanding, and integrity. He gave each of them the courage needed to fight for themselves and know there had to be a better way. He allowed them the privilege of knowing they were not alone in the universe in their search for safety and intimacy. There was someone else willing to make the sacrifice of creating a better world alongside them rather than for them.

In my opinion, this is why the world needs Superman, or rather, the ideals of Superman. Now, more than ever we need to know that there is someone else, whether fictional or not, who stands by their convictions to fight for what they believe is right when the world tells them they are wrong, and that they are crazy. We need inspiration to continue the difficult work of going all in in our hope that might is not always right. That something in the world is broken and we will continue to fight on this 4th of July and all the days afterward for truth, justice, and the American way.

Although Carter’s definition seems to be clear enough, understanding how to distinguish integrity from those who do not possess it can sometimes seem impossible in a society where we determine a person’s worth by their salary, number of likes on a social media post, or followers on their platform. However, fictional superhero characters like Sam provide me and others with a model that may be missing in reality.
            On this last day of Black History Month, Sam has helped me discern the difference between what is right, what is easy, and what it means to blindly follow the rules. Sometimes, the laws are corrupt because the people who created them were flawed. Sometimes, this means choosing to fight a battle that will get you into, “Good trouble,” as the late John Lewis called it. This also means acting on it, even at the risk of personal cost whether it be financially or socially. It means taking a risk to battle even if the world tells you you’re wrong. To tell them what you are doing to inspire others. Many times, this battle will be fought alone and in secret, but it will create a more just world.
            It’s because of fictional superheroes like Sam Wilson (Captain America), Isaiah Bradley (Captain America), John Stewart (Green Lantern), Calvin Ellis (Superman of Earth-23), Jefferson Pierce (Black Lightning), and countless others that I continue to write and speak for survivors when the world tells me to remain silent. To do what is easy rather than what is right. Unfortunately, this is the only way I know to continue being a good man, and a good person in a world where my only superpower is believing that we can be better.

            What makes Batman #150 “Be Better” (2024) stand out among other Batman comics is the fact that it is none of these things. In fact, the comic hardly includes Batman at all. Instead, the story follows the thoughts and actions of thug-for-hire, Teddy.
            Teddy has made his living working for the criminal underbelly most of his adult life. He has been a henchman for B level villains throughout Gotham such as Ventriloquist and Firefly. He has been an absent deadbeat father and an abusive ungrateful partner. He views himself as the victim who has always been given the short end of the stick. Teddy perpetuates a lie to himself and his wife, Kim as he storms out of the apartment after coming home drunk the night prior, “I get it, Kim. I’m a loser. You’ve been #@$%& clear about that for years. All I’ve ever done is try to provide for this family.”
            Teddy is a lowlife who only cares for himself and making a quick buck. However, Teddy has a secret he believes will be the game changer needed to turn his life around. He has discovered the secret identity of Batman and he believes he can cash in to live on easy street.
            First, Teddy tries to sell the information to the villain, Two-Face, but the duplicitous villain already knows the Caped Crusader’s alter ego and he could care less. Next, Teddy attempts to see the information to the Cobblepot Twins (the Penguin’s children), but the transaction falls through. Finally, he ends up with a group of low-level henchmen like himself who plan on using Teddy as collateral against Batman if he attempts to stop them from robbing a bank. Of course, Batman being Batman, he stops the crime before it can ever occur, knocks Teddy out and leaves him to wake up alone in the dorm room of his son who attends Gotham University.
            The adolescent explains how he attempted to follow in the footsteps of his father as a henchman for the villain, Scarecrow. The boy explains how he looked up to his father, taking Teddy’s side over the side of his mother, and viewing the busted knuckles and hand gun of his father as a sign of pride. However, when Batman saved the boy from being poisoned by Scarecrow’s fear toxin, he began to see things differently. Batman listens to the youth and agrees to pay for his education at Gotham University on one condition: be better.
            When Teddy is told he is not what a man is supposed to be, Teddy defends himself by stating, “I am! I hustled! I put food on your table! And this is how you treat me?! I did it for you! Risked my life! For you and your mother!” The son rebuttals and tells Teddy, “You hurt people, helped monsters, because you wanted to. Because you were too scared to enter the real world and have actual responsibilities. And you were addicted to the idea of easy money.”
            Teddy takes his son’s words to heart. He leaves the dorm room and meets Bruce Wayne on the steps of the university with tears in his eyes. Bruce Wayne agrees to pay for Teddy to begin a new life in Metropolis, off the radar of those seeking to cash in on the knowledge he possessed. The only thing Bruce asks is that Teddy attempts to be better.
            So often, as men we view ourselves as victims without options who are only capable of living a life of others rather than ourselves. No, we aren’t henchmen for Two-Face and the Penguin, but we work a 9 to 5 in an office that can be soul crushing. The people we care for look up to us and notice our sacrifice, but still we believe we deserve more. So, we become Teddy. We push those who love us away and only dole out moments of affection we believe capable of affording. Soon, we become the villain as we seek easy money in the form of get-rich-quick schemes and gambling. We view ourselves as screw ups rather than through the eyes of those who see us as heroes. These people don’t want the next big score that will put them on easy street. Instead, they desire a father and husband who is present and putting in the work day-after-day to be better. Not be perfect, but to be better than the man who woke up the previous morning. Some days we will fall short, but each time we try to show people we love what it means to be a good man.

“Can’t be the man without fear if you let people in, Matt. But you can’t be a man at all, if you don’t.”
-       Battlin’ Jack Murdock: Daredevil #100
 
            A new year often comes with the same problems as the previous. For many survivors, whether male or female, there is often the conundrum of intimacy. Healing from toxic stress requires restoring a connection to one’s humanity in the form of intimacy. Unfortunately, fear prevents survivors from becoming more intimate with those they love. This is because survivors fear vulnerability because being laid bare and naked to those closest to us prevents control. While establishing connection with others is the only way reduce the impact of C-PTSD, life lessons have taught survivors to keep the ones we love at a distance because it is the ones we love the most that inflict the most damage.
            Unfortunately, there is no easy answer to this paradox. Instead, it requires putting in the work needed to change negative automatic thoughts that have kept us safe, in control, and capable of coping in world of chaos. It requires a leap of faith, hoping that those who say love and care for us won’t let us fall in the moments we need them the most; and if they do, allow them the grace needed to be human, make mistakes, and fail forward. Finally, it requires the wisdom needed to heal and grow that can only come with time, trial, and error.
            There is no easy answer to this riddle, but it’s a conflict in need of being solved if we are going to forgive our inner Daredevil.

“Kraven’s Last Hunt” is (arguably) one of the best comics ever produced. Yes, J.M. DeMatteis and Mike Zeck are a phenomenal writer and artist combo, but it’s more than that. It does an excellent job of exploring the pressures of living up to beliefs of what it means to be a “real” man.
 
In the Marvel universe, Kraven is a man’s man. He prides himself at being the best hunter in the world. He sports a set of 12 pack abs, and has amazingly chiseled features.

Even though this is true, he still sees himself as lesser because he has always been bested by Spider-Man; a man a fraction of size and a fraction of his macho charisma. So, Kraven traps Spider-Man, assumes his identity, and proves to himself he is a better hero than Spider-Man, and so a better man. However, what is amazing about the comic, is that it provides a deeper message about masculinity and its negative effects.

Afterwards, Kraven gives Spider-Man back his costume, goes into an adjacent room, and kills himself.

Why is this important? Well, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, in 2022, men died by suicide 3.85 times more than women. That’s almost 4xs more. While there are many factors that impact this statistic, it stems from the belief of what it means to be a “real” man. November is Men’s Health Awareness Month which includes mental health. If you have a male in your life you care about, check on them. If you believe they may be in need of some healing and supports, let them know it is okay. Let them know it’s better to be a “good” man rather than attempt to live up to the false beliefs of what it means to be “real” man.

This summer I was in charge of creating a program at my school that would help boys of color receive the supports they need to excel academically and be better prepared for the hardships they may encounter not only throughout their academic life, but social and personal life as well. I read books such as Rising Hope, The Deepest Well, Black Boy Smile, and The Psychology of Self-Esteem to create a curriculum that would build the self-esteem and integrity of the boys as we began the program over the course of the week and continued into throughout the year. Planning, creating, and being a part of this program was filled with stress. Not because I didn’t enjoy learning a new form of psychology, new information about ACEs, how to build restorative circles, or develop a better understanding of how to develop and nurture hope. Developing the curriculum and working with these young men meant addressing an issue that has been the root of much shame throughout my life; my blackness.
 
Growing up, I was never considered “black enough.” Often times when I spoke or was myself, I was accused of “acting white” by friends and family. Rather than play basketball or football, I ran cross country and auditioned for the school play. Even as an adult when seeking to get a job my blackness was a source of shame that caused me to be harassed and lose jobs as an educator. So, when my principal asked me to lead this program that addressed a part of myself I had been told by society to push away and hide, I felt like an imposter. I thought to myself, “Clearly she has the wrong person.”
 
Throughout the summer I read, planned, sent emails, wrote curriculum, and as the week of mentorship approached, I became more and more irritable. More and more anxious that either my blackness would be called into question in a way that would make others believe I was not qualified to help anyone know or understand the complexity, difficulty, fear, and courage it takes to be an educated man of color, or I would be told this program was too pro-black and needed to be shut down.
 
Although the summer program has come and gone, and from what I can tell from the mentors and the young men who attended, it was a success, I still feel like an imposter. It’s something I battle day-to-day as I attempt to balance and master two separate worlds, making me question whether I would have been a good father to my son, Cas, or a source of shame for him as well. While I have spent so much time exploring my childhood sexual abuse in my writing there are parts of myself I have been blind to address, because it fills me with fear. It’s these pieces of myself I hope to explore in my new book How to Forgive Your Inner Daredevil: A Guide for Survivors and Caregivers of Adverse Childhood Experiences Using Marvel Comic’s Daredevil.

In “Power Like This,” Action Comics #1054 (2023), the villain, Metallo (John Corben) has kidnapped the Super Twins and threatens to kill them as revenge for losing the only family he has left; his sister, Tracey. However, this Metallo is different from the villain fans are used to reading in DC Comics. Instead, he is a supped up version of his former self, allowing him the ability to control inanimate metallic corpses.
            Upon arrival into Corben’s death den, Superman immediately notices a difference in not only Corben’s abilities, but also his behavior. Rather than enter the room swinging fists to save the War World refugees, Superman tells Metallo, “Something’s affecting your mind. Maybe even controlling you. Let the kids go. I’ll help y--.”
Witnessing Superman’s concern for his well-being rather than anger for the actions of the villain makes Corben more enraged. Metallo drops the twins from his grasp and yells, “This is your fault! You’re no hero! Nothing like us ever could be! No livin’ thing’s supposed to have power like this! Don’t you know that?! No matter that good-guy act you put on; how pretty your stupid face is; how many people cry for you to save’em; you’re just as much a monster as me!” Yes, this is a fictional story in a superhero comic book. However, the interaction between Superman and Corben is very representative of differences between the thinking of victims and survivors.
While both survivors and victims have been victimized, survivors seek healing, not only for themselves, but often for others as well. Victimization can cause feelings of shame and negative automatic thoughts that they are dirty, ugly, and incapable of being anything more than a villain because of what was done to them. These individuals can also suffer the cognitive distortion of “all-or-nothing thinking,” believing that all individuals who have been victimized in the same manner as themselves must also view themselves in the same way. These thoughts can make it nearly impossible for victims to believe that healing is possible for anyone who has been victimized. This view of themselves as victims can be seen in the fictional words of John Corben when he says, “Nothin like us ever could be,” a hero. Meaning no one like us can ever heal. No one like us, who has had our innocence stripped away can ever be anything more than a victim or a villain.
Unfortunately, perpetrators can also use the same language in an attempt to keep their victims under their influence of control. Perpetrators attempt to make those they have victimized into believing they are, “just as much a monster as me!” Healing, growth, and love are all off the table because as a perpetrator they may have also been victimized and never allowed the opportunity to heal. The words of perpetrators and the cognitive distortions of those have been victimized may appear at face value to be true, but they are not. Healing is possible and everyone deserves the chance to heal from their past trauma to become a survivor. Everyone. This does not mean refusing to hold individuals accountable for their pat actions. Instead, it means allowing everyone the opportunity to heal from their past trauma in an attempt to break the cycle of abuse and become better versions of themselves. This belief is what Superman embodies as a hero. Yes, Corben did something wrong by hurting others and deserves to be held accountable for what he has done, but everyone also deserves to make amends for what they have done.

Race

The race begins and all that is seen is a puff of smoke. In that half of an instant the silence that was once unheard throughout the field a few seconds ago was now echoing with cheers and yells of encouragement. A thunder of hundreds upon hundreds of feet hit the now shaking green grass. The field is limitless and extends into a very distant sunrise. Hills and curves can be seen along with a line of self proclaimed diehard fans who’s yells reach and shake the heavens causing and raising hell. The runners have no idea how long the race will last or why they are running it, but none the less they still race.

The runners begin the race.

In the beginning a few fall and stay down as others pass them by. Out of these few fallen runners at the starting line few get back up. Those that don’t are left on the field to watch and wonder what could have been. To wonder if the circumstances were different if they would have finished or even won the competition. In the end they are left with their thoughts and a conscience full of what ifs.

Many sprint off and try to take the lead. A few, a very few, out run the pack and get some distance on their competitors. As these few sprint towards the rising sun the crowd see their spotless running shoes, and never before run in uniform and know they cannot, will not, be stopped. At least so they think.

They forget this is a race and no one, except God, can predict the outcome.

The crowd loves these few exceptional human beings and yell louder with more passion, and in turn pushed the rest of the pack to try and catch up to these imaginary titans so they can gain the same glory, attention, and respect as the runners ahead of them.

Soon the masses of sweating flesh, beating hearts, exhausted legs and lungs get far enough away from the starting line to stay, and feel, they have begun the race.

The last few that lag behind receive little to no encouragement, but still they push on.

The race continues and runners continue to run.

In the beginning the course is clearly marked and the crowd is still thick along the side lines yelling and cheering. The competitors know where to go, and how to get there, but as days go by the crowds begin to thin out until there are only a few spectators still on course.

The race continues and runners continue to run.

Spirits become tired and many want to stop, and a few do. Some fall from exhausting themselves in the beginning of the race and not having anything left to keep their feet moving across the grass and soil beneath their feet. A few fall back and retain the positions they originally had, but the categorizing of people is no longer so easy to determine. The line of runners stretch back for miles with, in most cases, large and numerous gaps, and the leader of the pack often alternated with no definite winner in sight.

The runners felt the constant green carpet underneath their rubber soles with metal spikes and saw it extend in front of them for, as much as they could guess, for an eternity. Coming to the crest of every hill was the hope that the finish line could be seen somewhere, anywhere, in the distance.

With each hill came new hope and disappointment with the realization that the only thing to look forward to was more land and the fact of knowing they had to keep looking and moving forward. Legs became lead, arms became Jell-O, lungs became fire, and spirits began to fall. The brightness that glowed in all their eyes as dawn broke on that first morning began to fade, and in many were a heartbeat and a stumble away from going completely out.

But still the race continued and runners continued to run.

Some stopped to rest for a moment and never took another step. Some cried for help as they were passed by runner after runner in hopes of a savior that would never come.

People were pushed off the course, to the ground, or tripped by other runners. Many retaliated by committing the same crime, others stayed in the spot where they were done wrong to hate the injustice they were forced to endure, and very few did nothing at all. These few dusted themselves off, found their composure, and began to run again only to be dealt the same underhanded blow time and time again.

Everything imaginable that can be done to hurt another individual was done on that field. Acts of kindness did exist, but they were too exhausting and, in many cases, went unrecognized so were few in number. They just continued to move and push and grind forward without purpose or meaning, but still the race continued.

The cheers and applause of the exuberant crowd were not even a distant echo. Many had forgotten the race still existed, and others simply did not care.

The remaining few runners numbered less than a quarter of the original runners that occupied the starting line so long ago. The weather had changed many times and they had learned to pace themselves in all terrain and in all circumstances. They were tired to the point of death from exhaustion, but they still refused to stop. What drove them now was something more than fame or glory. They did not seek respect and they had stopped looking for the finish line so long ago they had forgotten it even was said to have existed. They sought something else. They did not know what it was, but they felt it and they knew the truth of what it was.

The course had stopped telling them where to go. They followed their own path.

In each one of these few remaining athletes was a look in the eyes that showed years of different landscapes, millions of minutes of thought, and countless seconds of coming to an understanding of a question they did not know the answer to. If you could take one look in their eyes you could understand that they weren’t running to win the race anymore.

They were running to finish it.

The finish line existed wherever it was they stopped and lost hope. This is what beat them. Not the people running around, and next to them. You would see they refused to be beat and to give up was not an option. They would continue to run until the last breath had escaped their lungs and they had strength left to move one more step. They would finish the race.

And the race continued and the runners continued to run.

The below excerpt is from my soon to be released guide for male survivors of childhood sexual abuse, How To Conquer Your Superman. The guide is still being written and revised. This means, I would very much like feedback to know what I do right, what I do wrong, and how I can improve. More portions of the book will be released over the coming months as How To Conquer Your Superman : A Guide for Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse using DC Comics Superman is planned to be released in March of 2020. Thank you for your support and valuable feedback.

The Superman Façade and Childhood Sexual Abuse
When you hear, Superman what image comes to mind?

When you hear “Man of Steel,” do you visualize a large red “S” emblazoned on a background of gold in the center of the superhero’s chest with matching perfectly curled “S” dangling from his jet-black hair?

How do you feel when you hear the phrase, “Look up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s Superman!?” Are you filled with hope and confidence that the day will be saved?
You may picture bullets bouncing off the chest of the hero as he swoops in, foils the bad guy’s plan for world domination, and flies away with a smile, never asking for a thank you in return. You may be filled with a sense of unwavering optimism in believing, beyond the shadow a doubt, that everything will work out fine, and good will triumph over evil.

It is for this reason that although Superman was the first superhero, and for many, he will remain the best. He does what is right rather than what is easy no matter how difficult the choice may be. He is a savior and a true hero who is always willing to sacrifice himself to save a single human life. He is strong, kind, confident, and unbeatable. In essence, he is perfect! With these qualities, it makes sense why children double knot bath towels around their neck and run through their home with fists in the air pretending to be the Big Blue Boy Scout.

Being Superman feels good. It feels right. Being Superman and possessing his abilities to run faster than a speeding bullet, and leap buildings in a single bound is everything a survivor wishes they could be and do. This is because, rather than feeling strong and confident like Superman, male survivors of child sexual abuse live in a constant state of fear, anxiety, stress, and worry. Ellen Bass explains in The Courage to Heal how many male survivors have been sexually abused as children tend to feel:

• Bad, dirty, or ashamed
• Different from other people
• That there’s something wrong deep down inside
• That if people really knew them they’d leave
• A pervasive sense of shame
• Alienated or isolated.

• Hate themselves
• Feel compelled to be perfect.

• Focusing on others can distract from one’s own distress.
• Helping others provides a sense of meaning and purpose.
• Prosocial behaviors may cause the release of oxytocin, which is involved in trust and bonding with others.
• Doing nice things may stimulate the release of dopamine.
• Reaching out to others may lower activity in the stress response system.

• be liked and accepted by others in an attempt to eliminate feelings isolation,
• ensure the survivor does not identify with their abuser in an attempt to not become a villain,
• latch on to predictable and positive examples of caregivers,
• hides their feelings of shame and guilt with smiles and kindness to eliminate feelings of shame and self-hatred.

**Before reading this blog it is important to know that within the last few weeks my father has apologized. I will update my readers in the coming weeks and discuss “How to Save Your Superboy” in my soon to be released book How to Conquer Your Superman. **

How to kill your Batman is different for every male survivor. For me, it means learning to become a better man, husband, father, teacher, and mentor as a recovering male survivor of childhood sexual abuse. 

When reading Tom King’s, Batman, the need to become a better man seemed to be a recurring theme in numerous issues. Throughout the series there were no perfect fathers, or father figures, but there were those who strived to be better men. For example, there’s a scene in Batman #6 when Alfred, dressed as Batman and driving the Batmobile toward a deranged Gotham. The butler talks to himself, as if to calm his nerves concerning the absurdity of what he is doing, about when he agrees to be Bruce Wayne’s Godfather. He says, before ramming the Batmobile into the former hero, Gotham:

Well, Thomas, allow me to be the first to say what an honor it is to be asked. For you, possibly, to entrust me with the care of Master Bruce. Well, sir, I am humbled. But of course the need for such care will never arise. It is not as if on some dark night you are going to just go walking down Crime Alley with Martha in her best pearls. That would be…absurd. But, if such unlikely circumstances were tragically to come to pass allow me to assure you that it will not be a difficult burden to bear. Bruce is such a good boy, sir, as you well know. Quiet and calm and yet still compassionate and curious. Caring for him will be more a pleasure than a chore, sir. A life of mild days reading books. Tranquil nights playing board games. Perhaps a charity ball now and then.

Afterward, Alfred jumps from the vehicle and confronts Gotham. While his actions are meant to bring a moment of comic relief, at any moment Alfred could be ripped in half, or disintegrated by the hero turned villain. Instead of running or refusing, the butler stood his ground and did something insane for his son, Bruce. His actions gave Batman the needed time to arrive and save the day.

Throughout this series, Alfred was more of a hero than Batman could ever be because the love he had for Bruce conquered his fear. By all intents and purposes, Alfred failed at raising Bruce. Rather than help the boy heal from his childhood trauma, he grew up to fight crime dressed as a giant bat. Although he did not succeed in raising Bruce, he did the very best he could, and continued to do the best he could as Bruce took on the role of Batman. 

The villain, Kite Man, also comes to mind as a flawed, but still doing the best he can, father. During the “War of Jokes and Riddles,” Kite Man loses his son in Batman #27. Charles Brown becomes a pawn for Batman, the Joker, and the Riddler as each try to gain ground in the war. The casualty was Charles’s son, Charlie Brown, killed when Riddler sent a kite to the young boy with a rope laced in poison. The death of his son pushes Charles to become the villain, Kite Man.

In no way was Charles a perfect father. In fact, he was kind of worthless as a father, but he still tried to be the best he could. In Batman #30, Charles narrates a conversation with his son, as he continues to be pulled from one side of the war to the other, like a kite in the wind. The conversation shows how Charles is viewed by other characters in the comic, but not his son.

Charlie:Daddy, can I tell you something?

Kite Man: Sure, Charlie. What’s up?

Charlie:Mommy was talking on the phone I don’t know to who.

Kite Man: Okay.

Charlie:And she said…well, she was talking about you, and…well, Mommy said you’re a joke.

Kite Man: What?

Charlie:Why did Mommy say you’re a joke?

Kite Man: She said that in front of you. That I’m a joke.

Charlie:Well, it was on the phone. That time. She said it before, too. That was probably
in front of me. She says it lots.

Kite Man: Your mother shouldn’t–don’t worry about that, Buddy. That’s not your business.

Charlie:But, Daddy…are you a joke?

Kite Man: Your mother didn’t mean that like it sounded. It’s fine

Charlie:It sounded like you’re a joke. Is Mommy a liar?

Kite Man: I mean, she didn’t — I mean, maybe she’s not a liar. No. Okay. Sometimes I am. I guess. I play with kites too much, and your mom is — she does a lot of stuff for you. So maybe she’s right.

Charlie:Are you a joke, Daddy?

Kite Man: I mean, look, buddy, here’s the thing. I try a lot of things. And I’m not always good at them. And when I fail, people laugh. I get it. It’s funny to watch. Like I’m slipping on a banana. And maybe when they watch and they’re laughing, they say, “He’s a joke.” I’m a joke. And so I guess I am. But what am I supposed to do? You know? I’m supposed to just quit? Just so they stop laughing? Just so they don’t call me a joke? There’s an old story. I ever tell you this? Like a guy is pushing this boulder up the top of this hill. And he’s cursed. So, like, every time he gets it right to the top, it rolls down. That’s the curse he never makes it. But he has to get it up, so he goes back down and gets it and does it over. Pushing it up again. Watching it fall over and over. Forever. That’s a joke, right? It’s funny. Right at the top, he’s happy and…whoops! Ha ha ha. Ha. Ha. And that’s me. That’s all of us. We’re all just pushing a boulder. Whatever we’re trying, we’re going to watch it fall, we’re going to hear them laugh. Right at the top of the hill. All of us. We’re all jokes. But the thing is, right, you got to laugh, too. It’s the only way. I mean, you got to laugh with them. Okay, I’m a joke. I’m a joke and I’m funny! Then you’re laughing with them. And if you’re laughing with them. Then at least your laughing.

Charlie:Daddy, you know how I don’t like to fly kites ‘cause I can’t get them to fly?

Kite Man: Yeah. Y’know I can show you.

Charlie:You want to go outside and do the kites? Like now?

Kite Man: Really? Charlie, you want to go fly them? With me?

Charlie:I never get it up. It’ll fall, I know. But if it falls, then I’m a joke. And I can laugh. We can laugh, right? Me and you, Daddy. It’ll be funny.

Kite Man: Yeah, Charlie. It’ll be hilarious.

While flying the kite, Charles asks his son if he liked the kite. His son’s response was, “hell yeah.” Charles tells Charlie that “hell” is a bad word. The father explains to his son how his mother and grandmother said when he was a child that if he said the word then he might go to that place. Before dying in the hospital, Charlie asks his father if he was going to go to hell because he said the bad word. Before Charles could answer, Charlie dies. So, while it may seem to be a running joke that every time someone says, “Kite Man” the response is, “Hell, yeah,” it is actually in remembrance of his son.

No, Charles was not the best father, but the love of his son was evident. He tried. Failed. And tried again. When Charlie died, Charles became the villain, Kite Man, only to get close enough to the Riddler to avenge the murder of his son. In the end, when it was all over, Charles was lost. He continues as a villain only because he does not know what else to do. Again, a father doing the best he can with what he has.

Thomas Wayne telling his son, Bruce, to no longer be Batman so that he can happy. Bruce attempting to protect his sons from Bane’s wrath by telling them to leave Gotham until the trouble has passes. All of them make me wonder why my father, who claims to do (and did) the best he can, will not apologize for telling me to forget the sexual abuse committed by my sister from eight to ten-years-old.

Better Man

A number of years ago I told my father that for two years I had been raped by my sister (his daughter) from eight to ten-years-old. After explaining the details of the sexual assault he told me, “Forget about it. It’s in the past. The best thing you can do is move on.” Rather than cower and continue to harbor the secret I had been carrying for over twenty years, I responded with defiance and honesty. 

I told him that I couldn’t forget. The abuse was something I had to live with every day and that it could not be forgotten. 

He apologized, hung up, and did not speak with me for nine months. It was not until Daniel (my brother) told him that he needed to start talking to me that my father proceeded to text and talk with me as if nothing had happened. The illusion of normalcy was not something I could return to, so I asked my father for a written letter apologizing for abandoning me after I told him about my sexual assault. Rather than reply, he responded back via text. He said:

Okay son. I will respect your request. You are a grown man and able to make your own decisions. I’m glad you are doing better and I’m really sorry to hear about Sarah’s brother. Let me say this…I love my kids the same. You, Daniel, and _____are my life. I don’t love one no more or less than the other one. If I could take your hurt I would. I can’t so I can do only what I am able to do. But remember this. We can only start healing after we forgive. If I could change things I would. I’m sure your sister is hurting. I’m sure she had no intention of hurting you. Then or now. She has to live with the fact of what she did and face everyone who read your book and label her a rapist. This has to be really hard for her. I’m sure this has been really hard on you. I can only imagine how hard it has been. I know my kid and know you are strong. You can and will overcome this. It’s in the blood. No matter what you think, this too will pass. If you need me I will always be there for you. Don’t be a stranger. I don’t want you to one day think I missed out on a lot of my family’s life. She, Daniel, Tina (my mother) and me are your family. Love you unconditionally. Da

In Heroes, Villains, and HealingI analyze what this message means, the impact it had on me on me then, and the possible thoughts of my father after writing it. Since my father sent that message, I have yet to receive a letter of apology, but I have spoken with him.
This past August, Daniel (my brother) called to let me know that my father was having serious medical problems and not managing his diabetes. Photos of my father’s legs forced me to call in an attempt to tell him to stop being stubborn and go to the hospital. I lied and said I had already called an ambulance, but he still refused. After making a series of excuses about not having the money and going to VA Hospital, I became angry. Really angry! His pride and stubbornness pushed me over the edge. I began cursing, telling him how he did not prepare me for how hard life could be. Through tears, I told him how my wife and I had almost gone bankrupt attempting to survive paying for daycare and continue to work on the salary of two teachers. How fear of losing our house in Baltimore the same way I had last my home in Peoria made me stubborn, just like him. To survive we sold our home and moved to Ohio to be closer to family. I explained how we were living with my in-laws and attempted to articulate my anxiety, fear, and feelings of being a failure as a father and husband. 

I yelled.

Screamed.

I begged for an answer.

Why would he not apologies for leaving me alone when I needed him the most? His response: “I can’t do something I don’t believe is right.”

My world stopped.

Until that moment, I believed, beyond a doubt, that maybe my father did not understand what I wanted from him to do to begin to repair our broken relationship. I thought that maybe be believed the text message he sent constituted an apology. His response proved that I was being naive.

There were no more tears as I heard him say, “It’s good to hear your voice.”

There was no more emotion as I heard him ask, “How are my grandbabies doing?”

I knew I had lost my father.

Afterward, I told him to take care of himself, and hung up the phone.

In the home of my mother and father-in-law, after selling my home, and ending the career and life I had made with my wife and children, I cried. I mourned the loss of my father. I mourned the loss of my childhood. I mourned the loss of my family of origin.
I have never felt so alone and like such a failure. 

My father has often attempted to justify his actions told me, “I did the best I could.” I know now, this is not true. As a father, I look into the eyes of my daughters and my heartbreaks at the thought of not having them in my life. I love them more than I ever believed I could love another human being. If they needed my life, it would be theirs. My life istheirs. This is why I do not understand why my father will not apologize. If he loved me, if he did the best he could, he would do whatever it took to remain a part of my life. Instead, his pride, hypervigilance, and idea of manhood defined by the “boy code” keep him from saying three words; I am sorry.

I’m sorry for not showing up to your high school graduation.

I’m sorry I never paid the mortgage, ran away to Alabama, and you and your mother were homeless for two years.

I’m sorry the fights I had (physical and verbal) with your mother and brother ripped our family apart.

I’m sorry I didn’t protect you from being raped when you were eight-years-old.

I’m sorry I didn’t protect your sister when she was raped by Mr. Miller.

I’m sorry I told you to forget what happened to you.

I’m sorry you were raped.

I’m sorry I wasn’t a better father and husband. I could have done and been better.

These are the words I will never hear from my father. His Batman will live until the day he dies.Each day, my daughters and my wife kill a little more of my Batman. With each kiss, hug, and I love you, my Batman fades from existence. I attempt to conquer my hypervigilance to be a better father, husband, educator, coach, and mentor. Each day I fall short, but each morning I rise to try again. My Batman will never fully die, but I will always attempt to be a model for those striving to be, become, and know a better man.

Just after Christmas, my grandmother, Mamaw, told my wife to tell me to come over and look through the comics in her basement, knowing how much I love superheroes. I knew my uncle, Rich used to work at (maybe own) a comic book store, but I had no idea any were left over from his heyday, or the number of comics she had in her basement! On the way over to visit I expected to find maybe a box or two of really bad comics no one had ever heard of or wanted. I was pleasantly surprised to much more. It was like Christmas had come again! In the collection there were some real gems, a handful worth a few bucks, but the one I was super giddy to find and prized above all the others was the Martian Manhunterfour-part mini-series published in 1988, written and drawn by J.M. DeMatteis and Mark Badger.

I was not pleased to have these comics because their monetary worth (which is none) but because when I researching and writing Heroes, Villains, and Healing, I wanted to include a chapter on Martian Manhunter, but could not find a solid source to use as a reference. What I knew about the hero came from the television shows Justice League andJustice League: Unlimited, but not enough to connect to understanding the trauma of childhood sexual abuse.The animated series, and what I had read of the hero in Justice League, Martian Manhunter loneliness and isolation appeared more intense than Superman’s because he was not raised on earth and, while both Clark Kent and J’on J’onzz are both aliens, J’on never felt as connected to the people of earth as Superman. All of this made me want to understand his origins and how he became the sole survivor of Mars. The little information I could find on a Martian Manhunter comic was the before mentioned mini-series, which I could not find. You can imagine my joy at having found all four parts in-tact and in excellent condition.

After reading the comics I knew I was right to want to include Martian Manhunter in Heroes, Villains, and Healing.These comics detail with remarkable precision the stages of the healing process survivors go through when attempting to recover from the trauma of sexual abuse. This makes them excellent material to help male survivors understand the stages of the healing process. Because I did not include them inHeroes, Villains, and Healing  I will discuss and analyze the four comics in the next four blog entries over the next four weeks. However, before beginning, it is first important to know the steps of the healing process, and who the Martian Manhunter is before addressing the steps that will be analyzed in issue #1 of Martian Manhunter.
 
Steps of the Healing Process
In my self-help guides for male survivors of childhood sexual abuse, Heroes, Villains, and Healingand How to Kill Your BatmanI explain the steps of the healing process. In these guides I explain how the healing process is similar in the stages all survivors must progress through if they wish to heal, but different in how each survivor reacts to those stages. This is because no two individuals are the same, and so, no two sexual abuses are the same. The healing process is also not meant to be a straight line, allowing the survivor to move from start to finish in a set amount of time. J’on J’onzz demonstrates this throughout the four-part series Martian Manhunter as he attempts to deny the trauma of his past while it pushes to be remembered. Although there is no definite beginning, middle, or end to the healing process, research has revealed that thirteen steps are usually associated with the healing process. According to The Courage to Healby Ellen Bass, these steps are:
 

1. The Decision to Heal
2. The Emergency Stage
3. Remembering
4. Believing It Happened
5. Breaking the Silence
6. Understanding It Wasn’t Your Fault
7. The Child Within
8. Grieving
9. Anger
10. Disclosures and Truth-Telling
11. Forgiveness
12. Spirituality
13. Resolution and Moving On

1. The Emergency Stage and the Decision to Heal
2. Remembering and Believing it Happened
3. Grieving and Anger
4. Understanding It Was Not Your Fault and Forgiveness
5. The Child Within
6. Disclosures, Truth-Telling, and Breaking the Silence
7. Spirituality, Forgiveness, and Post Traumatic Growth

Martian Manhunter / J’on J’onzz
To understand this blog you must not only know the stages of the healing process, but also who the Martian Manhunter is as a hero of the DC universe.

When the Martian Manhunter appeared on the scene in Detective Comics #225“The Strange Experiment of Dr. Erdel”, creators Joseph Samachson and Joe Certa made one of the most interesting and powerful characters of the DC universe. During this Silver Age of comics, readers were told that J’on was the last Martian in existence who was pulled across time and space by a machine developed by scientist Dr. Saul Erdel. Unfortunately, the shock of seeing and meeting a Martian killed Dr. Erdel, preventing the hero from returning home. Trapped on Earth, the Martian decides to fight for justice as the Martian Manhunter, adopting the name J’on J’onzz as his alter ego.

J’on’s superpowers includes the ability to shape shift, fly, and telekinetic abilities. He also can become invisible with the ability to move through solid objects. His one weakness is fire. While this weakness may appear to be ridiculous in comparison to so many of his awesome super abilities, why this is his weakness is explained in the four-part mini-series. To tell you anymore would be spoilers, and everyone hates spoilers!

Martian Manhunter #1 “Fever Dream” (1988)
The Emergency Stage

The comic begins with Batman. While attempting to catch a criminal, J’onn appears from the shadows, screaming for help and resembling more of a demon than a hero. Batman manages to get J’on to the Batcave. While unconscious J’on says:
 
It’s inside me. I know it. I can almost see it. Touch it. Taste it. Yet I don’t know what it is. How many years has it lain there, twisting, like a child in the womb … turning … kicking…I’m so afraid.
 
If I had to describe the Emergency Stage of the healing process in the form of a comic, this is one of the closest depictions of the sheer terror, confusion, and dissociative episodes a survivor can experience (the other closest example if the “Vermon” series of The Amazing Spider-Man).

The Emergency Stage cannot be put into words. The only and best way to describe it is sheer panic. It is fear that cannot be rationalized or pushed away. I have entered the Emergency Stage twice in my life. The first was during the first week of college. After being homeless for two years, and finding a way to get out of that situation (not to mention the domestic and sexual abuse of childhood) I was finally safe. Unfortunately, the safety of my dorm room meant my mind and body believing the traumas of the past could now be addressed without going insane. This panic and fear caused such gut-wrenching pain in my stomach, making me believe I was going to die.

The second time I entered the Emergency Stage was after my daughter was born. My wife and I had just purchased our first home and I had a new English position. I was the safest I had been in all of my life, hence why I entered Emergency Stage for a second time after not fully coming to terms with my past trauma years prior. J’on’s feeling of safety and mind and body’s readiness to enter the Emergency Stage is evident when he says to himself:

I’ve been on this world for…how many years? I can’t say for sure — but long enough to be comfortable here. As comfortable as a Martian could ever be among men. I’ve been on this world, protecting her people, risking my life again and again in the name of justice. And I’ve never known fear (except in sleep). I’ve never run (except in dreams). I’ve never been gripped by terror (except in the moments when that vague, unameable something reared up in my mind). But now, awake, alive, whole — I fear, I run, I’m terrified. Now I tremble like a child by imaginary monsters.
 

Like J’on, you may have built yourself to be strong as an adult man, but inside you feel afraid and weak due the trauma from your childhood. Like J’on, this fear may only visit you when you sleep, making you feel like the boy who was victimized as a child. As a boy maturing into adulthood, the only option you may have had to survive was to push the pain of the trauma away and this is fine. You did what needed to be done to cope. Unfortunately, like J’on there is only so long the past can be pushed away before it rises to the surface, but not until the mind and boy know it is safe enough (consciously or unconsciously) to come to terms with the trauma of the past.

The Decision to Heal

After entering the Emergency Stage, the survivor must make the Decision to Heal. Here, the survivor can choose to either ignore the past trauma, or begin the process of recovery. Until the survivor makes the decision to heal, they will continue to return to the Emergency Stage. Many male survivors, unsure of what it happening to them and why attempt, to explain away the panic. Unfortunately, this is not only true of male survivors, but doctors and therapist who can make the mistake of misdiagnosing C-PTSD. Both survivors and their caregivers have the potential to treat the wrong symptoms causing more confusion and denial of past trauma. Rather than make the decision to heal, J’on and Batman attempt to explain the pain and the hallucinations away. J’on thinks to himself:

Of course. I understand now. The spore. The sentient cell! I absorbed it. Took it into myself to stop the plague that was spreading across the earth (from a previous Justice League comic). And it’s alive in my now. Fighting to break free. That’s why my body’s undergoing these distortions! That’s why I’m burning with fever! Then Batman was right. That thing I thought was after me. It was only a creation of my fever.

 
J’on does what many men do when faced with the reality of their past trauma. They attempt to fight the dissociative episodes and flashbacks by attempting to “become stronger”.

They fight!

They claim the dissociative episodes in the form of flashbacks are not real and did not happen!

They become angry!

They push those they care about away.

While the survivor says this is to “keep others safe”, it is really to ensure no one sees them distorted, weak, and hurting, when all their friends want to do is help.

Until the survivors makes the decision to heal, the past will not be silenced.
Spirituality:

Martian Manhunteris a unique comic to read. It is beautiful, producing hard lines, grit, and muted colors that can only be found in true 80s fashion. There is also an element of spirituality to the depictions of J’on’s dissociative episodes. Many graphics, while being made up of smaller images, come together to create larger pictures that resemble churches and evil demons. All of these objects make the reader feel connected to something they cannot explain, but hope to eventually understand. When entering the healing process as a survivor, it can feel unique, spiritual, and larger that life. The only option is to do as J’on does. Continue to hold on, putting it all together one piece at a time until, eventually, it all makes sense. I wish I could tell you more about the connection to spirituality throughout Martian Manhunter, but – spoilers. More will come into focus in the blog next week.

 
Next week, the blog entry “Burning Bright” will address remembering past trauma while continuing to examine the Emergency Stage and the Decision to Heal.

As survivors of trauma, we push away the past. We tell ourselves that the way we are feeling and behaving is due to something else besides the trauma. We tell ourselves, “It was something I ate,” or “It’s because I haven’t hit the gym in a while. That’s why I’m so irritable.” In fact, this may be true. Feelings of anger, frustration, anxiety, fear, and memories of a past we can’t explain may return because the coping mechanisms of the past no longer become effective. The “runner’s high” isn’t quite the same, or the yoga session wasn’t as fulling as it had been before. This is because the past is pushing back, fighting to be remembered. 

We ask ourselves, “Why is this happening to be?” or (in J’on’s case) “Who am I?” We question our existence and whether or not we deserve to be alive as questions of the past cause us to question our role and place in the lives we have built. 

We may attempt to cope in a way similar to J’on who copes with his past by denying it has happened. Similar to Batman, he remains hypervigilant in his belief that he can not only control and fight the creator, H’rommeer, that is attacking him, but control himself as well. He refuses to remember and believe it happened. He is stuck in the first stage of the healing process.

Like J’on, we feel like a failure.  

We feel weak. 

We feel vulnerable.

He fights he maintain his form in the same way we fight to “hold it together.”

And we wish for things to return to the way they were before. We pray for the memories to fade and return to who were. We ask, “Why isn’t this working the way it used too?” There are numerous reasons.

One reason may be because we are now safe and our mind knows it. Past trauma, especially childhood trauma, cannot be handled or understood because of the circumstances of our situations. Whether it be an abusive household that cannot be escaped, or an inability to process what has happened to us, we push it away. We compartmentalize the pain and push it away, creating a façade to hide who we are and how we truly feel. We create an image of ourselves based off how others believe we should look and behave in the same way J’onn became a hero based off Dr. Erdell’s interpretation of what it means to be “Martian”. Dr. Erdell explains:

“You couldn’t think. You couldn’t function. And you had to function if you were going to survive here. You needed a mental structure that would allow you to function. The time we’d spent together — your psyche to open to me — had created a bond between us…mind-to-mind. I decided to use that bond to — not exactly fabricate, J’onn. I borrowed bits and pieces from the pulps…created the kind of Martian I knew best…the kind Edgar Rice Burroughs would’ve been proud of… What I did was suggest your new shape. I figured a beetle-browed Martian right out of a ‘50s sci-fi movie would still be an alien– but he’d be an alien that folks would be more comfortable with. He’d fit their concept of what a man from mars should be.”

Like J’onn, we push away the past until we are able to handle the truth. Until then, we dissociate and cope through workaholism, perfectionism, denial, excessive exercise, humor, drugs, alcohol, addiction, and self-harm. We live a life of cognitive distortions until we make the choice to heal, or have no other option. 

J’on refuses to face his fear of fire until the last possible moment. Until it appears the pain will become unbarable, and we keep a safe distance from our fears through dissociation.  

Even when Dr. Erdell calls for J’onn’s help, he cannot move, in the same way those closest to us need us, but we feel trapped inside our own minds attempting to cope with PTSD. 

We are paralyzed with fear, hypervigilance, and disbelief until, like J’onn, we collapse under the weight of the past. It is not until then we begin to remember the past trauma and believe it happened.

Slowly, we begin to grieve and mourn the way J’onn grieves for the daughter he lost.

We grow angry as we attempt to piece together the past and come to understand who we were and who we are becoming. How we are transforming into someone new.

Someone better.

The transformation is hard and difficult, but it is the only way to grow and become who we were meant to be.

J’onn teaches us that the healing process does not happen in a straight line,

moving from step to step until we reach the end. It is a river with streams that loop in and onto themselves, causing us to return to places we have previously visited, but with new perspective and understanding about the journey ahead. Martian Manhunter shows this when it takes J’onn 2 ½  issues to make the decision to heal. Throughout each scene, J’onn fights the images of the past. He is confused about what in his past is real and what is not. And each battle with the villain appears to be layered with a deep spirituality. It is a journey that is different.

Martian Manhunter#4 teaches us that when a survivor makes a choice to heal, everything about the survivor changes. At the end of issue #3, J’onn realizes the truth of how he arrived on Earth. Believing Dr. Erdell (the scientist who transported J’on from Mars to Earth) was dead, the Martian Manhunter comes to understand that all he believed to be true was a lie. Piecing fragments of memories together, J’on comes to understand his people were not warriors, but poets. 

He did not have memories of his father, but memories of himself as the father to his own child who died in his arms. Even his appearance had changed to become more jagged, rather than humanoid. 

Similar to J’onn, when we, as survivors of sexual abuse, make the choice to heal and not deny the trauma of our past, memories of the life we lived prior to and during the sexual abuse return. Sometimes they return violently, causing us to question our sanity and strength in the same way J’onn questioned the possibility of a virus causing him to hallucinate and the strength to save ourselves while being present for those we care for. 

These memories of a person and life may contradict what we believe to be true in the same way J’onn’s memories contradicted what he believed to be true about his people and his past. The reality of the past, impact the present by changing the way we see ourselves and the way others see us in the same way J’onn’s form changed to resemble the appearance of his species.

After we choose to heal we feel a sense of relief. 

We say to ourselves, “Thank God, I’m not crazy.” Many times the jubilation may causes us to want to know more and understand it all immediately. 

Now! 

We do not want to wait! We want to become better and we focus all of our energy into knowing the past, practicing mindfulness, and embracing our new identity!

We forget that healing, remembering, growth, and accepting the truth takes time and patience.

We are reminded of this when we stumble and reenter the Emergency Stage, becoming frustrated with ourselves and feeling like a failure. It is for this reason we must know that healing does occur in a bubble. 

No matter how much we as survivors may believe and tell ourselves, “I don’t need anyone. I can do this on my own,” support from a partner, family member, therapist, or counselor is needed to heal. J’onn’s support came in the form of Dr. Erdell. The character knew not to be in a hurry to remember the memories. He knew, as trained therapist and counselors know, healing and remembering takes time.

While fragments of memories wavered on the edge of consciousness, he still could not remember everything, so the Martian returned home.

Once transported back to Mars memories of his past return. 

The life he lived, 

the family he loved, 

the tragedy that made him forget, 

and how time allowed him to heal and gain the courage to become stronger. 

Rather than hate himself and view his actions as weak, as he did in the past, J’onn remembers, grows, and becomes complete. 

This is what it means to heal from past trauma. 

It means accepting the fact that bad things happen, but learning the skills needed to feel safe in our body. 

This is the only way to kill our superhero and become a survivor.

• previous exposure to severe adverse life events or trauma or childhood victimization, including neglect, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, or witnessing abuse

• family instability, including a history of parental psychiatric disorder, numerous childhood separations, economic problems, or family violence

• trouble with authority, even in childhood, including running away from home, school suspension, academic underachievement, delinquency, fighting, or truancy

• absence of social support to help out in bad times

• multiple early losses of people, possessions, or home

1. ______ I have a high degree of extraversion (I like to be with people).
2. ______ I am open to new experiences.
3. ______ I am conscientious in the work I do (I follow through).
4. ______ I am an agree able person.
5. ______ I believe that my source of personal power lies within me.
6. ______ I am confident in my own abilities to cope with situations.
7. ______ I try to find meaning in what happens to me.
8. ______ I try to break down bad situations into manageable parts I can handle.
9. ______ I am motivated to solve the problems that occur in my life.
10. ______ I am generally an optimistic person – I see things more positively than
11. ______ I take control in situations whenever possible, or at least try to take
12. ______ I like a good challenge, and I rise to the occasion.
13. ______ I am committed to overcoming the bad things I have experienced in life.
14. ______ I have a good social support network – there are people I can turn to.
15. ______ I understand my life’s circumstances and what I can and cannot do about
16. ______ I have faith.
17. ______ I have a sense of humor.
18. ______ I have a sense of hope.
19. ______ I like to try new things or look at things in new ways.
20. ______ I am open to how others feel.
21. ______ I am an action-oriented person – I would rather do something than sit back and let it be done to me.
22. ______ I actively try to structure my life and make plans.

1. How many items did you check? Do you notice any pattern of those you did or did not check?

2. What do you observe about yourself from reading these statements?

1. I checked 11 of the 22 questions. What I noticed about the questions I did not check is that I still have a problem with spontaneity. I do not like to try things I cannot control because it scares me and results in a feeling of insecurity and shame from being sexually abused as a child. It also makes me feel worthless and suicidal thoughts.

2. I observe that I although I have come a long way, I still am in recovery.