Kraven and Suicide Prevention
“Kraven’s Last Hunt” is (arguably) one of the best comics ever produced. Yes, J.M. DeMatteis and Mike Zeck are a phenomenal writer and artist combo, but it’s more than that. It does an excellent job of exploring the pressures of living up to beliefs of what it means to be a “real” man.
In the Marvel universe, Kraven is a man’s man. He prides himself at being the best hunter in the world. He sports a set of 12 pack abs, and has amazingly chiseled features.
Even though this is true, he still sees himself as lesser because he has always been bested by Spider-Man; a man a fraction of size and a fraction of his macho charisma. So, Kraven traps Spider-Man, assumes his identity, and proves to himself he is a better hero than Spider-Man, and so a better man. However, what is amazing about the comic, is that it provides a deeper message about masculinity and its negative effects.
Afterwards, Kraven gives Spider-Man back his costume, goes into an adjacent room, and kills himself.
Why is this important? Well, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, in 2022, men died by suicide 3.85 times more than women. That’s almost 4xs more. While there are many factors that impact this statistic, it stems from the belief of what it means to be a “real” man. November is Men’s Health Awareness Month which includes mental health. If you have a male in your life you care about, check on them. If you believe they may be in need of some healing and supports, let them know it is okay. Let them know it’s better to be a “good” man rather than attempt to live up to the false beliefs of what it means to be “real” man.
What's Wrong With Superheroes
What makes Spider-Man such an appealing superhero to so many individuals across the globe and of so many different ages is his constant struggle to achieve balance. Yes, Spider-Man has super strength and the ability to stop villains such as Doc Oc from imploding New York City, but Peter Parker barely has the money needed, let alone the down payment for a car. Peter Parker struggles to get the girl and provided the needed support for his grandmother, Aunt May, while knowing he is the amazing man behind the mask of an alternate personality.
As a society, we struggle to achieve the same balance as Spider-Man in our day-to-day lives. We may be superstars in the workplace, but struggle keep our personal relationships from floundering. These were my thoughts while attending the “One Loud Voice” conference in Biloxi, MS.
While there, I ran three great breakout sessions: Heroes, Villains, and Healing (DC Edition), How to Save Your Inner Wonder Woman, Survivor of 1000 faces (Heroes, Villains, and Healing: Marvel Edition)
And although the conference was AMAZING, and a number of people approached me afterwards to say how much they enjoyed the sessions, I was still NOT in Baltimore. My students still did not have a teacher. My daughters still woke up to a single parent household. So, while the conference was a success and I am smiling in all the photos, I still missed my connecting flight and unable to take my daughters to the Daddy-Daughter Dance.
I only mention this because I wanted you to know that regardless of what you see on social media, everyone battles with balance whether you are a stay-at-home parent, or corporate executive. It may be difficult, but the struggle is worth it.
Thanks for the continued support.
All the best,
Kenny Rogers
The Blip and Learning to Slow Your Inner Flash
In the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thanos snapped his fingers and half of all living things ceased to exist until the Avengers reversed the effects and brought everyone back five years later. During the five years of “The Blip” the world slowed down as it grieved the loss of its loved ones and found ways to move forward. Following “The Blip” when everyone returned, Earth was a place of chaos as people had to adjust to the return of people from the past and those who were looking toward the future. The Blip caused displacement as those who returned sought to regain their old lives, and wars over the need for natural resources and the desire to return to the past. Everyone involved, whether it was those who were left behind or those who returned, suffered a collective trauma that all attempted to pretend didn’t alter the world, their place in it, and the way in which they viewed it.
Following the Covid-19 pandemic, we find ourselves in the same situation as the characters in the fictional reality of the Marvel Universe. During the Covid-19 pandemic, we were forced to stop and slow down and wait for the world to hit play again so we could resume our stories. The problem is, when vaccines were developed and people began to reenter society, no one ever addressed the collective trauma suffered by everyone on the planet. Instead, we learned to cope.
For some, we became (or where forced to become) workaholics that was first described by the psychologist Wayne Oates in 1971 as “the compulsion or uncontrollable need to work incessantly.” As a society we became rat racers (individuals who put in the work moving toward a finish line in hopes of achieving happiness), obsessed with the belief of the arrival fallacy that is described by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD, author of Happier, as “the false belief shared by the rat racer archetype, that reaching a valued destination can sustain happiness.” These individuals believe that if they work hard enough, they can fix / heal the past or themselves. In essence, we become the Flash, racing forward and never looking back with the belief that the more and faster we move the more quickly all of our problems will be solved. Rather than confront past trauma, survivors prevent their minds from wandering to the events of the past while pursuing feelings of approval and acceptance that have been stripped away.
It's the arrival fallacy that has made it feel as though society is moving a super-sonic speed without a destination in sight besides a false belief that we can “fix” the negative effects of the past to reach “pre-pandemic” levels. So, we create and implement new policies, procedures, and systems that are believed to make us more “efficient” and “faster.” We have been told and believe that this is the only way to heal when it in fact only leads to burnout (the implementation of new policies and procedures, the continuation of toxic or dated policies and procedures, the hiring of a new administration, or life changes that require the need for more personal time rather than work qualifications no longer capable of being achieved). Looking to the past only creates more pain, when it is just the opposite. To heal from the past, we must learn to slow down and heal from the past rather than cope with what has occurred. Workaholism provides us with a distraction from the fear that permeates every aspect of a survivor’s life following a traumatic event and following the pandemic, we are all suffering a collective trauma. This also may be why we work endlessly in an attempt to prove we deserve to be happy rather than accept and progress past the fear we have of the world in which we live and our interactions with others throughout society.
What is Hope?
Yes, according to C.R. Snyder, hope is WAYPOWER and WILLPOWER, but how do you instill hope in yourself and others? As my hope has waxed and waned over the past few months, I’ve leaned on some really close friends and my wife for support. It’s the only way I’ve been able to dig myself out of the emotional hole I’ve been in. I have no definite answer to this question of hope vs optimism, but it’s one I am searching to find for myself, my students, my mentees, and other survivors of adverse childhood experiences like myself. So, I’ve been reading the psychology and comics to do the research. I’ve been writing down my thoughts and ideas to help myself and share with others. And I’ve been resting to let the thoughts come naturally and remain mindful of myself and others. Rather than tell you what I have learned so far and tell you to try something to give yourself the motivation to move, engage, and rebuild your lost imagination, I want to tell you to sit with it for a while. Don’t push it away. Practice some radical self-acceptance and get to its root. It may be trying to tell you something that can lead to your healing.
Helping Boys of Color Achieve Success
This summer I was in charge of creating a program at my school that would help boys of color receive the supports they need to excel academically and be better prepared for the hardships they may encounter not only throughout their academic life, but social and personal life as well. I read books such as Rising Hope, The Deepest Well, Black Boy Smile, and The Psychology of Self-Esteem to create a curriculum that would build the self-esteem and integrity of the boys as we began the program over the course of the week and continued into throughout the year. Planning, creating, and being a part of this program was filled with stress. Not because I didn’t enjoy learning a new form of psychology, new information about ACEs, how to build restorative circles, or develop a better understanding of how to develop and nurture hope. Developing the curriculum and working with these young men meant addressing an issue that has been the root of much shame throughout my life; my blackness.
Growing up, I was never considered “black enough.” Often times when I spoke or was myself, I was accused of “acting white” by friends and family. Rather than play basketball or football, I ran cross country and auditioned for the school play. Even as an adult when seeking to get a job my blackness was a source of shame that caused me to be harassed and lose jobs as an educator. So, when my principal asked me to lead this program that addressed a part of myself I had been told by society to push away and hide, I felt like an imposter. I thought to myself, “Clearly she has the wrong person.”
Throughout the summer I read, planned, sent emails, wrote curriculum, and as the week of mentorship approached, I became more and more irritable. More and more anxious that either my blackness would be called into question in a way that would make others believe I was not qualified to help anyone know or understand the complexity, difficulty, fear, and courage it takes to be an educated man of color, or I would be told this program was too pro-black and needed to be shut down.
Although the summer program has come and gone, and from what I can tell from the mentors and the young men who attended, it was a success, I still feel like an imposter. It’s something I battle day-to-day as I attempt to balance and master two separate worlds, making me question whether I would have been a good father to my son, Cas, or a source of shame for him as well. While I have spent so much time exploring my childhood sexual abuse in my writing there are parts of myself I have been blind to address, because it fills me with fear. It’s these pieces of myself I hope to explore in my new book How to Forgive Your Inner Daredevil: A Guide for Survivors and Caregivers of Adverse Childhood Experiences Using Marvel Comic’s Daredevil.
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October 2024