This summer I was in charge of creating a program at my school that would help boys of color receive the supports they need to excel academically and be better prepared for the hardships they may encounter not only throughout their academic life, but social and personal life as well. I read books such as Rising Hope, The Deepest Well, Black Boy Smile, and The Psychology of Self-Esteem to create a curriculum that would build the self-esteem and integrity of the boys as we began the program over the course of the week and continued into throughout the year. Planning, creating, and being a part of this program was filled with stress. Not because I didn’t enjoy learning a new form of psychology, new information about ACEs, how to build restorative circles, or develop a better understanding of how to develop and nurture hope. Developing the curriculum and working with these young men meant addressing an issue that has been the root of much shame throughout my life; my blackness.
 
Growing up, I was never considered “black enough.” Often times when I spoke or was myself, I was accused of “acting white” by friends and family. Rather than play basketball or football, I ran cross country and auditioned for the school play. Even as an adult when seeking to get a job my blackness was a source of shame that caused me to be harassed and lose jobs as an educator. So, when my principal asked me to lead this program that addressed a part of myself I had been told by society to push away and hide, I felt like an imposter. I thought to myself, “Clearly she has the wrong person.”
 
Throughout the summer I read, planned, sent emails, wrote curriculum, and as the week of mentorship approached, I became more and more irritable. More and more anxious that either my blackness would be called into question in a way that would make others believe I was not qualified to help anyone know or understand the complexity, difficulty, fear, and courage it takes to be an educated man of color, or I would be told this program was too pro-black and needed to be shut down.
 
Although the summer program has come and gone, and from what I can tell from the mentors and the young men who attended, it was a success, I still feel like an imposter. It’s something I battle day-to-day as I attempt to balance and master two separate worlds, making me question whether I would have been a good father to my son, Cas, or a source of shame for him as well. While I have spent so much time exploring my childhood sexual abuse in my writing there are parts of myself I have been blind to address, because it fills me with fear. It’s these pieces of myself I hope to explore in my new book How to Forgive Your Inner Daredevil: A Guide for Survivors and Caregivers of Adverse Childhood Experiences Using Marvel Comic’s Daredevil.

In “Power Like This,” Action Comics #1054 (2023), the villain, Metallo (John Corben) has kidnapped the Super Twins and threatens to kill them as revenge for losing the only family he has left; his sister, Tracey. However, this Metallo is different from the villain fans are used to reading in DC Comics. Instead, he is a supped up version of his former self, allowing him the ability to control inanimate metallic corpses.
            Upon arrival into Corben’s death den, Superman immediately notices a difference in not only Corben’s abilities, but also his behavior. Rather than enter the room swinging fists to save the War World refugees, Superman tells Metallo, “Something’s affecting your mind. Maybe even controlling you. Let the kids go. I’ll help y--.”
Witnessing Superman’s concern for his well-being rather than anger for the actions of the villain makes Corben more enraged. Metallo drops the twins from his grasp and yells, “This is your fault! You’re no hero! Nothing like us ever could be! No livin’ thing’s supposed to have power like this! Don’t you know that?! No matter that good-guy act you put on; how pretty your stupid face is; how many people cry for you to save’em; you’re just as much a monster as me!” Yes, this is a fictional story in a superhero comic book. However, the interaction between Superman and Corben is very representative of differences between the thinking of victims and survivors.
While both survivors and victims have been victimized, survivors seek healing, not only for themselves, but often for others as well. Victimization can cause feelings of shame and negative automatic thoughts that they are dirty, ugly, and incapable of being anything more than a villain because of what was done to them. These individuals can also suffer the cognitive distortion of “all-or-nothing thinking,” believing that all individuals who have been victimized in the same manner as themselves must also view themselves in the same way. These thoughts can make it nearly impossible for victims to believe that healing is possible for anyone who has been victimized. This view of themselves as victims can be seen in the fictional words of John Corben when he says, “Nothin like us ever could be,” a hero. Meaning no one like us can ever heal. No one like us, who has had our innocence stripped away can ever be anything more than a victim or a villain.
Unfortunately, perpetrators can also use the same language in an attempt to keep their victims under their influence of control. Perpetrators attempt to make those they have victimized into believing they are, “just as much a monster as me!” Healing, growth, and love are all off the table because as a perpetrator they may have also been victimized and never allowed the opportunity to heal. The words of perpetrators and the cognitive distortions of those have been victimized may appear at face value to be true, but they are not. Healing is possible and everyone deserves the chance to heal from their past trauma to become a survivor. Everyone. This does not mean refusing to hold individuals accountable for their pat actions. Instead, it means allowing everyone the opportunity to heal from their past trauma in an attempt to break the cycle of abuse and become better versions of themselves. This belief is what Superman embodies as a hero. Yes, Corben did something wrong by hurting others and deserves to be held accountable for what he has done, but everyone also deserves to make amends for what they have done.