Lost Imaginations

Read. Write. Rest.

Dear Susan

Dear Susan,
Today did not go as planned. You remember those panic attacks I used to have early in the morning? Well, they’re back. I mean, not like they were early on, but I’m getting the shakes a bit in the morning from the anxiety of having to get up and do work that I don’t want to do, or don’t feel like doing right then. You know how I’m used to getting up early to either write, do school work, or workout. I’ve always been an early bird, but lately, I’ve just been so tired, you know? Before, I used to want to sleep just to push away the day, but now I come home and just want to take a nap. I guess that’s what it means to get old like you. Joking. But not really.
            I ended up not getting up at 4am like I used to. Sarah says I probably need to change my schedule and she’s probably right.
            It was raining and we got out the door late, but the difficult part day was when I got the email back about my classes. Nothing seems to be going right, you know. I thought I could take classes to become a psychologist and still teach, but now I’m having second thoughts. I mean, who am I trying to change what I am. The time of the classes doesn’t work out, I’ll fail if I’m late too many times, my schedule at school can’t change, and no one can cover my last period class every Monday. Yeah, they said they can switch me to a different class, but what about next semester? I know I’m fortune telling, but how is this going to work out. AND THEN eventually I’m going to have to miss an entire day of school for an internship, and then end up out of the classroom altogether for a semester? How is that going to work out? I know how you feel about education so I know what you’re going to say. Forget em.
            I don’t know, Susan. I feel pretty worthless and overwhelmed. Like I’m trying to do too much. New school, classes, writing, father, husband, and now probably helping with speech and debate. What am I doing?